Death to Ms. McWhiskers!

There hasn’t been much I’ve considered worth writing about lately. A murder here and there, some time in lock up, getting back with my ex, that stuff happens to everyone. Nothing special. Then yesterday, after Nathan Petrelli knocked me cold, I had a dream.

I was back in elementary school, in the cafeteria. Some of my old girl friends were there with me; talking about the usual while we stood in line. For some reason I was growing more and more uncomfortable as the line shrank in front of us. The closer I got, the more the fear grew. Until the source of it was looking me in the eye and every spoon beating came back in a flood of terrifying memories.

There she stood. No taller than 5 feet and still menacing, wooden spoon clutched in her left hand, a bowl of Mac and Cheese in her right. Her hairnet clung tightly just above her unibrow . I approached her cautiously; my knees trembling and my $1 out and ready to make a quick exchange. Her eyes were piercing, almost cat-like! She hands me the bowl of nuke warm cheesy pasta with a long nailed hand. I reach out for it, shrinking under her cold glare, and then… the dream ends. And I’m left to wallow in the misery of my past, with nothing left but a blurry memory of her and my building desire for her demise.

That’s when I decided, after all these years, it was finally time I take my revenge on this nemesis of mine. She gave me one spoon beating too many for this to be forgiven! I’d even be willing to work with Jessica on this one, if that’s what it takes.

So I Googled her name, Fluffy McWhiskers, which luckily is a unique name for a lunch lady in Nevada, and found some disturbing information. She had retired from the school fifteen years ago and settled down in New Mexico. She was infamously known as a cat lady. She owned hundreds of them at a time! And it seemed her hobby had finally taken a toll on her.

Now, shunned from the world, she was living alone in a cave. The perfect place for me to strike. So I MapQuested my way to The Cave of Despair. When I arrive there were horrible noises coming from the darkness. Jessica was pushing me to let her take control, but this wasn’t her fight. I clutched my .45 and made my way in.

There was enough light to see the beast that once was my lunch lady clawing away at a young women, who had vomited all over in pain or fear, or both.

“Found a new victim?” I asked, advancing towards her slowly.

She stopped her assault on the pitiful girl and turned her hideous face to me, confusion flashed in her eyes, but only for a second. She recognized me, even years later.

“It’sssssss you!” She hissed.

I took aim at her, my arm unsteady. My finger wrapped around the trigger, I was ready to rid her from my memories once and for all! Then she sprang into the shadows, I hesitated, and she disappeared into the darkness before I had a chance to take a shot.

The person I assumed to be a girl stood up from her pool of filth and look at me with admiration in his eyes. It seems I’ve found myself a pretty dude. He looked useless at first, but since he was going after Simon, I figure he can’t be that weak. He promised to help me destroy the cat lady if I helped him with Simon. Like I said before, what ever it takes…